Contemplate
by allara serasai
Summary: Is there truly "the one" out there waiting? Can fire and ice ever co-exist? Is there a reason we're here on earth? Will we ever find out? Is society truly necessary?
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This is the result of not being able to sleep at 1 in the morning and plot bunnies running around in your head. This story is going to be like Perfect in the way that it's never going to be finished. This is going to be random characters just talking about.... issues, I guess. Anyways, I hope you like it! (btw, this is un-beta-ed, so you're prolly gonna be able to tell XD) Oh, and it's really short (as you can probably tell) Hey, 1 AM, people!

Contemplate: Empty Arms

I can never go to sleep unless I'm holding something, be it a teddy bear, a person, or just a wad of blanket I've shaped: there has to be something in my arms. I've tried sleeping on my back, arms locked at my side. It never works. I just continue tossing and turning, listening to the CD I chose to listen to that night, and sigh, with my arms feeling so empty.

I wonder if this is something that everyone feels, or if it's just me, waiting for the perfect someone to be in my arms, holding and being held. I wonder if that special someone will ever come along, if I'll ever have someone who just fits in my arms, in my life, in my heart.

Sure, I've had dates, boyfriends, an occasional fling, but they were never _right._ I could have sworn I was even in love once, nearly got married to him as it were, but there was just _something_. Some thing that never made me entirely comfortable in my skin when we kissed, when we hugged, heck, even when we were just holding hands.

When I'd lie awake in my bed, waiting for sleep to steal me away, I'd be able to convince myself that this was it: the love of the ages, the perfect match. It was always at night time that I was always deluding myself, trying to fit myself into everyone else's ideas of me. After all, what more perfect match could there be than Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley? I'd be able to convince myself that I wanted to wait because I wanted our wedding night to be special, not because I felt uncomfortable at the idea of body contact. I convinced myself that my aversion to touch was normal, that I was just overwhelmed by love. It wasn't until I was set to walk down that aisle that I realised that I didn't want to live with myself if I didn't let me, well, be me. I knew my nervousness wasn't just cold feet. I knew that he just didn't fit with my life, he didn't fit with _me_.

So I just left, because I knew that he just wasn't _the one_, and that I had to keep searching until I found the one I'd never be nervous around, never hesitate, worried, shaking at the thought of simple human contact.

I need to keep looking, until I find the one who belongs in my arms. Ironic that I scoff at Divination and other ridiculous guesswork, yet here I am, telling, well, anyone who reads this, that I'm searching for my soul mate, for the one I'm waiting for, for the one I'm fated for. I know that I may never meet him, and that I may give up hope and settle before I've ever had my chance with him, and maybe he doesn't even exist, and my search is for something impossible.

But then I'm lying in my bed, trying to sleep, and finding it impossible unless I have something in my arms, and I just know that I'll search forever until I find him, and the ache in my arms, the ache in my heart finally leaves me (and him) in peace.

I'll be waiting.


	2. Fire and Ice

A/N: Yeah, this is supposed to be HP/DM slash, but it didn't really come out.... Oh well!

Contemplate: Fire and Ice

He's so cold. Like ice. Chiling the air around him, freezing people in their places with the smallest of glances, the most discreet flicker of eyes. Everyone else shivers when his eyes sweep past. So why am I left feeling so tormented, so aggravated, so.... angry. Like fire. But how does ice produce fire? Is it not made to quell heat, control it? So why does he set me on fire when he is ice?

_Cuz I'm burning for you, baby_

I know he's ice, always reminds me of it, when his gaze sweeps the Great Hall when entering to attend breakfast or lunch or dinner. Even when stepping through a doorway to the loo, he sweeps his glance across, through everyone and everything there. He has to know where exactly everything is before he begins acting.

_And I don't want to lose you, babe_

It has to be an act, it just has to be. No one can truly be so cold, so fair, so.... closed. How can it be natural, and what is a human being but nature itself? Or are human beings the opposite of nature, the destruction? Is that how he makes me burn when his ice freezes your blood?

_I can't tell you how_

He's ice, I know, I have a feeling I've always known. I should feel chilled in his presence, I should freeze. I should feel something cold in the very center of my being whenever my glance lands on him. I should be numbed, senses dulled, everything slower, slowing to the point where I can't even tell if my heart's still beating, if my breath really is still moving.

_I lay awake, waiting_

I should be, but I'm not

_always waiting_

I'm not gasping, feeling the warmth of life trying to thaw the ice in my bones, trying to banish this feeling, this feeling that I"ll never feel quite like this, no, nothing like this. I'm not stunned, waiting for him to look elsewhere, to continue whateveri t was he was doing before he looked up, to do what he came here to do, to just.... do.... something.

_For something I'm searching for_

No, instead of what I should do, I'm burning, burning, hotter than anything I've felt, excpet for him. I'm on fire, pulse racing, breath gasping, tearing through my body like lightning.

_waiting for_

I don't understand what he does to me, I probably never will. I will never understand how ice can produce fire. I will always wonder what it would feel like to be with him. But ice can't be with fire. We can't be together. Yet it feels like we belong to each other, only each other, no on else. I need him to burn, burn me up, till nothings left, only me. He needs me to freeze, to bring the temperature down until everyone's frozen, not just him.

_Fire and ice, ice and fire  
__Finally together, their desire_

I know that I'll be waiting forever for him, and that he'll be waiting forever for me.

_But can they truly belong to each other  
When one is ice and the other is fire_


End file.
